Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
this hospital has no fireball
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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