Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
