Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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