thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
