Sry I called you an 8
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
