where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
