Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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