Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
