remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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