proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.