I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
this boner is exhausting
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
