I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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