He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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