my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
