i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
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