Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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