So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
