if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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