Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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