I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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