I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We smell like vodka and hangover
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
