where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
