dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
