I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize