I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
