just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
