im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
