we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
They took my balls.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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