if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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