They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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