wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
