Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
how can u be prego again
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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