I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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