Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize