Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We got so high we made milksteak
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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