If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
