were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
All the doctor said was why
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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