Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(408): View more from California

she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.

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(619): View more from California

She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something

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(205): View more from Alabama

When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.

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(315): View more from New York

as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training

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(317): View more from Indiana

Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.

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(917): View more from New York City

Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.

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(337): View more from Louisiana

My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day

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