your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
