I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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