shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
