Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
