Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
