He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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