I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
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He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
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But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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