..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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