first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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