mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.