Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
How external is "for external use only"?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I got inside last night via doggy door
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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