You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.