When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
