I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"