direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
