we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
