Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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