I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
