i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
