there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
