in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
