FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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