We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
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I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
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My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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