somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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