On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
